“If I didn’t know my, oh, so boring history… we’d be in real trouble.”
- Release Date: 6th January 2003
- Season 1
- Episode 15
- Director: Will Meugniot
- Writers: Brooks Wachtel
The team leave the stargate on what appears to be the Great Wall of China – but inside a giant warehouse. It seems to be some kind of colossal museum with recreations of Earth’s monuments in them. They go round a few different exhibits, with Bonner explaining what they are and Harrison whining about learning about history, while they’re also watched by robots wearing period uniforms. They do find an exit, but all that’s outside is a colossal sand storm.
In the French Revolution area, they get attacked by robots using energy-firing cannons, with their leader being Napoleon. They flee and are backed into a corner, but another army comes and scares the “Gauls” away – it’s roman robots led by Julius Caesar. Both Napoleon and Caesar make demands – they want the team’s weapons and vehicles. Bonner manages to convince them to negotiate in order to buy time. We hear both of them plan to attack the other.
Bonner and Harrison head to the negotiations while the rest hunt for the control room (they don’t escape because apparently these replicas are worth dying for). Caesar attacks first, and in the chaos Bonner realises that the robots can’t cope with water. However, in the chaos, Harrison falls out of the truck and gets captured by the Romans. In the control room, it’s revealed that the two emperors are robots (I was more surprised that this was supposed to be a revelation).
Harrison is brought to the Coliseum (Caesar does say it was after his time at least) and has to flee lions, but Bonner has a plan. He and Draga kidnap Napoleon and force him and Caesar into the Coliseum and, when they refuse to believe that they were robots, start flooding it. They spark when they touch some water and flee to the top of the cage.
Knowing they’re both robots, they decide to work together to clean up the museum and hopefully get tourists back, with the team heading off. We never find out who made this museum, why they abandoned it or questions to any of the interesting questions – it’s just all entirely pointless and boring.
