“Go suck a lemon”
- Release Date: 5th December 2001
- Season 5
- Episode 14
- Director: Peter F. Woeste
- Writers: Robert C. Cooper
SG-1 are fleeing from some Death Gliders, heading back through the Stargate. Daniel and Carter get through but Jack and Teal’c spot an Alkesh bomber (which is a lot bigger than I thought it was) rising, aiming giant cannons at them. Jack orders them to go, but Teal’c spots Tanith (looking a bit cut and pasted from elsewhere) at the controls – he shoots his death glider cannon and takes him out, blowing up the entire bridge area. Teal’c jumps through as the ship crashes. On the other side, the wormhole closes before Teal’c comes out.
Jack wants to dial back, but the computer reports an unknown error when they do so. They discuss the approaching ship and if it could have hit the stargate, and Carter recommends aborting the sequence until they find out more. In a debriefing, Jack and Daniel talk about the Gou’ald setting up a new base and the hate between Tanith and Teal’c when Carter says they need to act quickly. Essentially, Teal’c’s energy pattern is stuck inside the stargate’s memory and it will be erased on the next incoming or outgoing wormhole. Daniel suggests the Russian stargate, so Hammond goes to make the phone call.
Hammond is quick making the arrangements and sends Daniel over to Russia to liaise, and the iris is currently being moved to block this stargate (I am surprised they don’t have anything to block incoming wormholes already). Carter is not hopeful about their chances, though, as she has no idea how to get Teal’c out of the stargate, this is just a delaying tactic in the hopes that someone comes up with something.
Daniel and Major Davis arrive in Russia, and Colonel Chekov is not happy. They’re still doing what they’ve been asked – allowing US teams to return home through their Stargate, but they want to seriously discuss the relationship between them and the Stargate program, along with the treaty between them and America.
At Stargate Command, Simmons has come along with someone to help Carter – Dr Rodney McKay. I first saw Atlantis where he’s a main character) before SG-1, so I wasn’t prepared for how utterly dreadful he is in this first compartment. Even though he’s only worked with a simulation of the Stargate, he sees himself as someone who knows more than anyone, even Carter. He says the dialling program is a mess and ignoring safety protocols could have killed people (Carter did nearly destroy a star accidentally – separate to the one she blew up on purpose). Simmons also says they only have 48 hours before the Stargate goes back to normal use.
Jack, after being sent home to rest, is accosted by Maybourne, and Jack is not happy to see him. Maybourne says he didn’t shoot Jack (back in Desperate Measures) and warns about Simmons (the two have been pointing fingers at each other. Maybourne says he hopes he gets Teal’c back and tells Jack how to contact him if need be.
Carter and McKay have an argument about safety and how the stargate ignores 220 out of 400 feedback signals. Carter points out that her job is simply to present the risks: she doesn’t actually choose to make them, that’s for people higher up than her. Daniel phones to let her know that the lack of a DHD was the issue – with one, the process would have been finished. She asks if the Russians will give them theirs (the background argument between Davis and Chekov answers that) and Daniel says connecting one now may reset the Stargate anyway.
Simmons visits Hammond and says he has information which can save Teal’c. But he won’t hand it over, Hammond will have to do something for him. Hammond is not interested in being bribed or blackmailed, but knows that arresting him without more evidence would be a big mistake. This prompts Jack to visit Maybourne, who is shocked that Simmons attempted to blackmail Hammond (I think he understands Hammond would never do it). He had asked for a Gou’ald hand device. This is pretty much an admission that they have the Gou’ald inside Adrian Conrad. It’s up to Jack and Maybourne to find it.
Davis and Chekov are still arguing, the Russians have a list of demands for letting the USA use their stargate. Davis thinks this is ridiculous and when Chekov suggests a future government starting up their stargate program again, the DHD would ensure that SGC would be cut off from using theirs. Davis says this would be an act of war. Daniel interrupts, asking what the Russians would want for their DHD. What would it take to buy them out right now? Maybourne manages to track a flight Simmons took, which took a long diversion to North Dakota.
Carter and McKay continue to argue while they grab lunch (and McKay saying he’s deathly allergic to lemon). He shoots down every one of Carter’s ideas, and calls everything she says an assumption (it’s just as much an assumption to say she’s wrong). Carter realises that the deadline is in place because McKay has told the people at the pentagon that he thinks Teal’c is already dead, while McKay makes inappropriate comments about being attracted to Carter.
Daniel and Davis discuss what Daniel wants to offer the Russians – naquadah generator technology. Davis thinks the Russians will weaponise it instead, but Daniel suggests having it monitored. He says that widespread generator use is years away but getting the DHD will stop the Russians ever using it as a bargaining chip again. Davis doesn’t think the Russians will go for it, but Daniel says it won’t hurt to ask.
Jack and Maybourne infiltrate a facility and take out the guards. They find a cell containing the Gou’ald inside Adrian (it’s annoying that he never gets a name). Jack threatens the Gou’ald but gets nowhere, as the Gou’ald says Simmons would grant him a reward. Jack notices a camera and starts searching for the backup copies of any footage.
Chekov says that if they have access to Stargate Command for a month, they can loan them the DHD. Daniel says they need it now, and that perhaps Chekov can come along to ensure its safety. He agrees to this. Back at Stargate Command, Hammond is ordered to resume Stargate operations unless Carter can give him something to work with in the next few moments. As they start dialling, Carter gets a call. She rushes back and asks them to abort – they know how to save Teal’c and they have evidence incriminating Simmons. Hammond aborts and has Simmons arrested on the spot.
The plan is presented and McKay says they’re all crazy if they go through with it, as it could potentially explode and kill them all. Hammond shuts them up by saying he’s due to depart to Russia for their naquadah generator program – and as long as he’s on the Air Force payroll, he can’t do much about it.
They remove the main control crystal from the DHD and activate it. The event horizon forms and Teal’c comes out, however an energy surge causes the DHD to explode (conveniently taking out Russia’s hold over them). Teal’c seems confused but doesn’t say anything. Sam asks what happened and he’s happy that he has his revenge. They say a lot has happened but are glad he’s back. Jack says a Gou’ald saved his life, but Teal’c doesn’t buy it.
It’s a really good episode, although I’m surprised about how horrible McKay is in it. The resolution of the Russian side is a bit underwhelming (especially after destroying the DHD), but I presume more is to come for that.
